There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
