"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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