He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
