Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
