I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize