I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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