My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
