I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
