I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
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Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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