kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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