Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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