All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
