Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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