have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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