I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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