Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
