I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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