i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
