I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
