Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
