I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
