According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
