I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
