Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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