tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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