I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
