On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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