ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
