so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You are a genius and a whore.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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