I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
