Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
