its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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