I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
