I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize