I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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