Just fell off a train. Bad.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
