My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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