no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
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He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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