Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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