I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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