eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
