I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
