There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You are the jesus of drinking
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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