I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
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she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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