I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
