he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
