I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
