oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
