We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
