he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You were trust falling into bushes
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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