god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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