im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
