Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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