I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize