I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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