i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
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his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
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Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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