Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
