dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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