i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
