i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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