I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
