Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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