do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
