the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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